Losing a Friend

There was never

A more beautiful place

To lose a friend.

 

The tide pulls and pushes

My heart strings back

And forth,

Reminding me of the times

I could laugh at her smile

And run down a white line

Screaming, “Follow!”

 

There’s never a good time

To lose a friend.

 

They can be sitting right next to you

On a colored blanket,

Sullen,

Feeling three thousand miles away

 

And still moving.

 

There was love here,

A no judge, no hate

Type of love that was, perhaps,

An invisible mist–

Like Malibu air singing to the waves,

The ocean breathing back.

 

It’s a love that defends itself

Against heartbreak

Until it questions its existence

To begin with.

 

It all started here…

On an ocean cliff where I knew

That I was falling

So she caught me, with that special

Kind of I-understand-how-you’re

Flowing-

Needing-only-a-minute-in-the-car

Windows-open-singshouting-a-song

Moment to know

That we would be connected

For a long while.

 

Even a long while ends–

Like the water reaching my rock

It knows when to steer back

It is only natural.

 

Then why do my thoughts

Leave a suppressed sigh knowing

That she could have done more,

Knowing that she could be more

Knowing that I still love our past,

 

But that I cannot see a future

 

Full of bitchy side comments

And over-indulged spending;

She can buy whatever she wants

But she most certainly can’t buy

My heart

 

It’s flying free,

A journey in mind

That this pain could break if it had bones–

Right now there’s only water

 

Drifting me back to now,

To me,

To friends that support the highs

And lows of my shore,

A cascade moon pulling

The water inwards,

 

Promising a new tomorrow.

 

April 1, 2015

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2 thoughts on “Losing a Friend

  1. This was poignant and touching, RJ. I am sorry for your loss– loss of any form can bring such grieving. The loss of a once cherished promise can certainly sting deeply. I love the way you sit with yourself in this writing. Holding the heaviest parts. Following the moonlit shore…

    Peace
    Michael

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