Surrender

When I was younger
my doubt came in the form of a size 4
black and white
soccer ball
“Can I win,
can I beat the player
these coaches have formed inside of my head?”
I wrote
and I wrote
and finally I forgave

I created a new reality of real-life-results
and they stuck.

Today I read words that reminded me of that time
“Everything is to be nurtured,”
and I cannot think literally about this.

We must think clearly,
sharply,
simply
about what the nurtured soul is to begin with.

Asking myself,
“How do I feel?”
Without judgement,
without delay
is most likely the most important question
I will have asked myself in four years
the last time I stepped on the field
that I believed scarred me

It had given me strength.

Beauty is to be nurtured
Simplicity is to be nurtured
Love is to be nurtured.

For buried under all that nasty doubt,
my final enemy,
is a white flag
I know as freedom.

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