( love )

What do I want my love to be?

Opening,

free as one can be

and

she

will open her arms to me,

singing,

praying to Earth’s wings to fly again.

How bright, my love,

how warm

your body feels

when your lips meet mine…

how slowly we can meet,

how gentle,

how soothing.

He will be all encompassing,

and yet aware of his smallness.

They will be sitting on a rock,

climbing down a tree,

living life fully,

beautifully,

listening as it all swims by…

I choose birds today—

listen,

listen my love

to this mastery of sound.

One day

we will sit on a beach,

and the wind will play with your hair,

and I will not care

about how long

or how come

or why now

because thank heavens

my heaven is here,

in my arms,

singing home,

bowing low

to Earth’s truth,

offering palms and songs

I have never heard.

Thank you, my love —

truly.

From this park bench

in the heart of Brooklyn

I don’t thank you for finding me;

I thank you for living.

Go on:

live.

 

May 16, 2019

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But

I called Allie and told her:

That’s it?”

Okay.

First kisses aren’t supposed to be good, right?

But can I think of kiss with a man that was “special”?

Some felt special…but I never understood why.

With her though…

I felt a hunger beyond thought,

beyond practice —

beyond expectation and protocol.

Do I feel that way with men?

Or is it more me practicing a movement,

an excitement, a momentum I’ve been taught?

The idea of being with her is more all encompassing

than I have felt for anyone else.

But I still know, deep in my soul,

that Adam Levine is hot as fire

and I would have been with Charlie in a heartbeat…

that it’s fun to dominate a guy,

and that I can do it well– ask them.

But am I aching for their touch?

Even with all those long term crushes?

I could play this game all day, comparing

gender

when I’m actually comparing

people

and there is not much more to it than that.

 

The soft skin — it’s real.

The emotional connection — it’s real.

Wanting to call you, she, they

baby…

that is something I know

I would never want to call a man,

even before my pink brain understood feminism,

before I had a reason to ask Charlie to a ball,

or chase Dan around a school yard.

It just feels more right —

and yet I have practiced this with men all of my life –

how many of us are there?

Chasing people we can never love around a globe, around a city.

It’s unfair to everyone involved, really.

Will I never be with a cis-man?

Of course not.

I have loved men before and I am sure I will again, statistically.

But…

 

To every bisexual who has every wondered if they were just gay or a lesbian…even when you’re confident in your identity.

 

October 12, 2019