My Mind

At times,

I feel nervous–

nervous that it

is stronger than me.

*

It can make any situation into a problem,

labeling itself a “worry wart”

(and who would ever want to be a wart?)

this is my fear:

*

It will change my relationships

it will tarnish my career

it will make all the beauty I’ve felt inside of me

feel meaningless.

*

It is crazy to think I’m not alone.

*

The truth is that beauty is eternal,

and my mind

will never be stronger than my presence,

patient like a willow

it will flow in the breeze,

follow me step by worry torn step

relaxing my insides,

releasing the mountain of love

that lives inside my chest–

it lives in all of us.

*

Sometimes,

I read quotes;

maybe they will make me feel “better”

maybe they will “fix” my mind–

I know only I can.

*

At all times,

I know there is timelessness,

the truth,

our only savior,

waiting for my heart to forgive my head,

catch up with my soul,

and allow myself

to lay,

still.

*

September 20, 2015

Bein vulnerable on this Sunday.  Peace and love. ❤ 

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Home

I’m not looking for The One.

I suppose I’m just looking for the one I won’t get tired of.

……

The number of betrays I have felt–

they are buried down deep

and it was not until I was ready enough to hold the shovel

that I could dig them out and start to peek

at the friends that I fell for,

the hearts that broke

a piece of mine away

and it’s like I’m still looking for the pieces.

…..

I never intend for much of anything

to happen

because once I feel like something is “home”

like someone is “home”

I want nothing more but to stay in one place

in time

and swim as the minutes swoon,

tears fall, smiles appear

…..

I don’t want them to go away;

this explains why my biggest fear is change

….

Not just any change,

like the nickels in my pocket,

the grass stain on my shirt,

my aging years, the new day coming

….

We learn lessons not from god,

but from his gifts

this world is nothing but experience

and yet all we want is not thankfulness,

but choice

between “who” and “what” and “when”

and the childhood friends that soiled your memories

or maybe just burned up the sides

of the one polaroid you have left.

..

All I want is to go home.

.

All I need is to realize, to accept,

that home is not the same place it was when I left it.

………………………………………………………………………….

May, 25, 2015

Washing Off Fear

Things that scare me:

too much movement,

not enough time,

students failing classes,

children falling in line

to a code of conduct

the state tends to copy

from one generation to the next–

why can’t they provide

bandaids instead

for the multitude of broken hearts

and wings clipped off

before they got to fly,

my skin burning and telling me

that inside isn’t safe

and yet the outside won’t stop spinning

I need to jump off,

but where?

I,

we

 must sink in, ankle deep

into a beautiful, mud lined shore

reminding us that a sticky situation

is never incurable–

all we must do

is wash our hands in the tide,

watch water flow

and wait for our souls to follow.

May 2, 2015

Happy (early) Birthday to my little brother, who is going to be a teenager tomorrow! 😮 

“I” and “Us”

We must

put the “simple”

back in

“society.”

…..

It’s a one-ring circus

where only “I’s” are the conductors

it will never suffice

in a world of 7 billion

of “us.”

….

How did our fathers land us here?

More like,

“How do we get ourselves out?”

I want to know

that if I were to have a daughter

she will see a river,

touch a lake with two hands;

if a son,

that he will not be afraid of dreaming

of an extra-compassionate-driven,

less-profit-informed

show–

..

instead of money give me roses,

I believe the future deserves them.

.

For it is our story to write,

to be written by a hand

that wrote of global harmony,

welcomed women

taking a stand for what is right,

taking a stand for freedom,

taking a stand

for “us.”

April 10, 2015

Okay

Do you want

me to tell you

that it all will be

okay?

 

Because it will,

that’s what my friend

used to say

my thoughts were bigger

than my head

so they’d pop

into my body instead

find the open air

and tell each molecule,

“Move over!”

for that blind perception

only we know

with the underlining fear,

“Will it all be okay?”

 

If God is love

and love is here

I’m here to tell you:

it will all be okay.

 

It is–

it will be–

beautiful.

January 8th, 2015

I Am

Sadness,

pour yourself against my heart

until the flood gates open–

I am still me.

 

Fear,

hold yourself down on my family

when the light seems empty–

I will still be

 

The girl with a dozen scars

on one heart string alone,

memories too full to count.

 

I am the Buddha above my nightstand

and the tick marks upon my kitchen door;

 

I am the thankfulness that more to come

will always seize the day

 

Towards something greater than myself:

the limitlessness of all, of me–

my freedom.

 

June 25, 2014