Flowers

These flowers are growing again

in my head

and like a vine

they neither swoop nor swing–

they cling

to each side of my brain,

try to determine what type of learner I am

but either way, thoughts can’t be pushed

out of the way

so I’ll plan out another day to pluck and prune.

 

For now,

let me sit, lay down my head and rest

let nature have its way

before I run and play, amidst the gardens

outside these walls; in each season

they grow flowers, all their pinks and blacks

and greens– they look familiar to me.

 

In my mind I see a mirror,

one I can’t protest:

an image of you, an image of me

and sweet, pink, spring flowers,

scattered at my feet.

 

Each petal falls so slowly;

I do not stand in their way.

 

I watch in perfect silence;

I pray for peace today.

 

February 28, 2016

why I’m still into monogamy

Like a sunflower at dawn

the light circles the window,

slowly, from pane to pane:

white fabric fading along

the edges, the slight smudge

of gray near the nightstand,

a black and white journal

shedding its ink. The carpet

is still blue, like an autumn sky

with a few scattered clouds,

makeup stains sprawling.

The dresser is dark wood and tall

like a castle, the mirror elegantly

gazing at the front wall, a pair

of slippers hiding underneath.  I

open two drawers and find them

empty; the other four, stacked full:

old T-shirt memories, championships

and golf tournaments, razorbacks

and soft wool sweaters mixed together.

The bed seems bigger now, a new down

cover reminding me of a new castle,

a different prince– one I could never get

to know in one lifetime, let alone one day.

But I can still sit here, quietly, observing

the nooks and crannies, allowing time to

haunt its human victim into realizing that

we can never fully know a thing, a person,

a place– so I might as well spend my life

with one man, one window, one room,

learning to love all the fuzzy details I am

lucky enough to capture.

 

happy love day!  I’ve been wanting to write a poem like this for a while, now…I’m sure I will be returning to it in the future, to tweak it here and there; but the underlying message will most likely stay the same.  I’m super open to all types of relationships that people explore and feel drawn to, and this is what feels right to me.  xo

February 13, 2016

The Mirror

Once upon a time

I looked into the mirror

and saw a chubby face:

the image clenched its claws

around my throat,

promised vengeance on a heart

that had been hurt before

but never that bad–

never by itself.

 

It turns out pain is addictive

when you place it all in one hand,

one cheek,

one thought can turn

your entire life around a curb

I flew until I reached the spot

where my heart burst,

when I heard a bird inside of me,

“I want nothing more

than to beat my wings and fly,”

but my breath wouldn’t let it–

and so it perched inside instead.

 

I suppose any story

can be flipped to mirror

another, to flip my eye

on its head, turns out

its not the first time

since life, after all,

is all about change,

when any mirror I see

is the one turned

upon myself,

over and over

different shades of gray

not found in a book,

but chosen, inconspicuously,

one at a time

by the owner of the mirror,

by the one that aligns

my waken breath.

 

December 21, 2014