why I’m still into monogamy

Like a sunflower at dawn

the light circles the window,

slowly, from pane to pane:

white fabric fading along

the edges, the slight smudge

of gray near the nightstand,

a black and white journal

shedding its ink. The carpet

is still blue, like an autumn sky

with a few scattered clouds,

makeup stains sprawling.

The dresser is dark wood and tall

like a castle, the mirror elegantly

gazing at the front wall, a pair

of slippers hiding underneath.  I

open two drawers and find them

empty; the other four, stacked full:

old T-shirt memories, championships

and golf tournaments, razorbacks

and soft wool sweaters mixed together.

The bed seems bigger now, a new down

cover reminding me of a new castle,

a different prince– one I could never get

to know in one lifetime, let alone one day.

But I can still sit here, quietly, observing

the nooks and crannies, allowing time to

haunt its human victim into realizing that

we can never fully know a thing, a person,

a place– so I might as well spend my life

with one man, one window, one room,

learning to love all the fuzzy details I am

lucky enough to capture.

 

happy love day!  I’ve been wanting to write a poem like this for a while, now…I’m sure I will be returning to it in the future, to tweak it here and there; but the underlying message will most likely stay the same.  I’m super open to all types of relationships that people explore and feel drawn to, and this is what feels right to me.  xo

February 13, 2016

First Date

Why

spell a word

backwards

when you can just

“say it”

up front?

 

Don’t bow down

to my side,

boy.

 

Just look me in the eye

time

will keep on moving

don’t slow me down

for a quick

“wink.”

 

Your eyes remain

the same but I see your heart

moving

giving me clues, anyway–

 

just don’t give too much

away.

 

September 30, 2014

Confidence

“Are you a confident

being?” my teacher

asks of me,

my face approaching

a mirror I’d rather not see.

   

“Being of what?” I reply,

rapping the blackboard

my mind picks up chalk

and I write: “A tale

of confidence.” 

   

“It’s the story 

we need to hear,” I am told

on repeat, like a pop song

on the radio I want to repress

yet memorize and shout.

   

“Being,” 

I repeat.

“Being, me.”

   

The rap slows,

my mind stops,

and I start smiling. 

 

August 8, 2014 

The Beauty Within

Take ownership

of your mess,

for your beauty

can only be found

within.

Whether it be below

your darkest depths,

within your deepest fears–––

no cande-lit room awaits you,

and yet all I can do

is cheer

that I am here,

and it is day,

a new light

borrowed from the same sun

I ran from yesterday,

blurring into the furry of my mind

that’s actually been quite playful

all along,

once I learned

it’s all a game.

September 1, 2014

More Than Me

If

to feel

is the only

thing that’s real

what’s my house

doing catching on fire

from my thoughts alone?

    

We

all want

to know whether

right and wrong can fit

together under one roof

and yet we sing on in the rain

free of dreams and promises

only embracing the chance

to live and breathe.

    

To

know imperfection

is to know ourselves

to realize our existence

is to acknowledge happiness

and perfection manufactured

into one, unperfected presence:

to believe in all matter more than me.

   

August 14, 2014