The Game

How do I get these damn boys off my back?

They call us girls?

Call attention to my immaturity?

You know what matures you?

Curiosity, novelty, challenge.

You know what these boys pretending to be men lack?

Curiosity in a world inevitably spinning,

novelty in a world made for their hands,

challenge in a world shaped by their fear.

Yeah, pretty face, we all have our shit —

but do you know how many bodies you’re crushing

when you cruise on your motorized fucking skateboard?

Do you realize how pretentious you sound

when you brag about beating everyone at Mario Kart,

about your Supreme bag being a garbage can?

Games aside, life is not a game, not matter how long

your gender has imposed limitations on the rest

all I ask you is that you get off my damn back,

so I can defend those I love, maintain my compassion,

and lend you a hand

once you decide to get off your high, power-hungry horse.

 

To all the people out there who try hard to be patient with and have empathy for that rich white cis dude but know it’s harder than it looks…I’m with you.

 

November 24, 2019

When you say “androgynous” I hear

bits of masculinity:

I feel more real this way.

Do I miss the flowing hair?

A veces … the high ponytails

and free forehead.

When I dress more “masculinely,”

when I embody that “ethos”

I flow out of some societal lens,

into some truth

that maybe the earth does have “feminine energy” —

astrology teaches it and lesbians believe it —

but I am a Capricorn and I am content

being grounded in brown boots

and only Earth below.

When we say masculinity belongs to

one group only

what does that say to the rest of us?

Dressing like I am not just

a pretty fucking flower…

it is so liberating

and yet one big fat nada:

it’s all I’ve wanted to be,

want to be,

and have been,

all along.

 

March 27, 2019

 

Also, check out this cool video on two folks’ definitions of identifying as non-binary versus androgynous: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsJUDFmauCI

 

 

But

I called Allie and told her:

That’s it?”

Okay.

First kisses aren’t supposed to be good, right?

But can I think of kiss with a man that was “special”?

Some felt special…but I never understood why.

With her though…

I felt a hunger beyond thought,

beyond practice —

beyond expectation and protocol.

Do I feel that way with men?

Or is it more me practicing a movement,

an excitement, a momentum I’ve been taught?

The idea of being with her is more all encompassing

than I have felt for anyone else.

But I still know, deep in my soul,

that Adam Levine is hot as fire

and I would have been with Charlie in a heartbeat…

that it’s fun to dominate a guy,

and that I can do it well– ask them.

But am I aching for their touch?

Even with all those long term crushes?

I could play this game all day, comparing

gender

when I’m actually comparing

people

and there is not much more to it than that.

 

The soft skin — it’s real.

The emotional connection — it’s real.

Wanting to call you, she, they

baby…

that is something I know

I would never want to call a man,

even before my pink brain understood feminism,

before I had a reason to ask Charlie to a ball,

or chase Dan around a school yard.

It just feels more right —

and yet I have practiced this with men all of my life –

how many of us are there?

Chasing people we can never love around a globe, around a city.

It’s unfair to everyone involved, really.

Will I never be with a cis-man?

Of course not.

I have loved men before and I am sure I will again, statistically.

But…

 

To every bisexual who has every wondered if they were just gay or a lesbian…even when you’re confident in your identity.

 

October 12, 2019