when you’re tired
like the world meant for you to be
and you’re broke
like the world meant for you to be
and you’re lonely
like the world meant for you to be?
You get angry
like Earth meant for you to be
you find truth
like Earth meant for to find
you fight back
like Earth meant for you to do
you let go of the world
like Earth meant for you to do, too.
You build a new world.
February 11, 2018
Submit
to the feeling
of starting over;
you are the earth
and the sky,
the ocean
and the moon,
turning,
trusting,
turning,
trusting…
May 21, 2017
congratulations to my wise, soulful little sister for graduating with 2 Bachelors degrees today ❤
these feelings
of being stuck
seem to be unbearable–
it’s all connected
cyclical
dense
not me
what is me?
well,
it’s sitting under a tree,
maybe sipping some tea,
not minding the clouds
just letting all flow naturally–
see!
that’s me.
sitting in the shade,
not letting the day fade
you are here for one hour,
one year, one day at a time
in your mind
now you, my dear,
are a ship
and this house, my dear,
is your anchor.
you can sail freely,
without ever loosing your capacity
to come home.
October 23, 2016
My back
is strong
like a piece of bark
it has its edges
but it is stable,
it stands tall–
it is stillness
and silence
and me.
These elements
of control
have never been
my friend.
Illusive fears
of loosing
a self
that I had forged
by lack of force
the word loss–
I could write odes
to loss
and sonnets
to loss
and haikus
to loss
and I would still
remained
lost
in the same sentiment
Who am I?
Where do these attachments
leave me?
Where did I acquire them?
Did death bring up something
deep inside of me
that always needed healing?
An unknowingness of stability,
the entrance of doubt?
I am here, writing,
wondering,
thinking back to trees with hearts
written in their sides.
October 8, 2016
Alone
in my head
how did this happen again?
Afraid of myself
more than anyone else
afraid of my mind’s tricks
like the devil
part of me runs,
part of me nourishes.
External realities
versus internal dimensionality
my vulnerability
got me everything good
and everything bad
trust my mind–
it is strong,
then flies out the window.
All I can do now
is observe the mess I am in:
feel the anxiety,
the past pain,
the current waves of doubt
and listen to the monster truck
of thoughts roll through my head
as if it was the last track in the world.
Perhaps this is the most natural thing:
to let up, to let it win and lose
and nothing and everything
to let the stories be
to let the suicide be
to let my knowledge free
to let my wisdom bring
me the greatest joy I’ve ever known:
the expanse of life
growing in and out
nothing the same at any moment
love blossoming in my bones
while fear eats my mind–
it’s just one iteration
of the human condition,
is it not?
So eat away,
my friend fear…
I’m not sure what role the pills will play
but life can’t get away
simply because experience and temperament
created a shift in my thinking
understand that this is still
my gift of a body
and I respect its reaction–
mind, body, and soul connected–
to the darkest corners of life…
sweet loneliness turned sour
and still with age, abandonment
of reason with one phone call,
one bad dream…
and still the pure light of tomorrow…
the pureness of now.
April 1, 2016
More than anything, this is a release of thoughts and feelings surrounding mental health and my own struggles/my family’s struggles and experiences (the mention of suicide, a phone call and pills allude to a tragic family event) with the topic.
You are never alone, no matter what unfolds in your life. It can be difficult to find meaning out of suffering and loss, but it is, indefinitely, part of the human condition…and through the cracks, love and art can find their way out.
releasing tension
can be harder than it looks
when you are human
March 20, 2016
These flowers are growing again
in my head
and like a vine
they neither swoop nor swing–
they cling
to each side of my brain,
try to determine what type of learner I am
but either way, thoughts can’t be pushed
out of the way
so I’ll plan out another day to pluck and prune.
For now,
let me sit, lay down my head and rest
let nature have its way
before I run and play, amidst the gardens
outside these walls; in each season
they grow flowers, all their pinks and blacks
and greens– they look familiar to me.
In my mind I see a mirror,
one I can’t protest:
an image of you, an image of me
and sweet, pink, spring flowers,
scattered at my feet.
Each petal falls so slowly;
I do not stand in their way.
I watch in perfect silence;
I pray for peace today.
February 28, 2016
