Our hearts wide open
on the sofa, in the den,
past memories and landscapes
of lost wishes and dreams untouched–
but oh, my dear, did you touch them!
How far you ran!
How far we traveled
when home was right next door?
I can only tell you so many times
how much I love you,
mom and dad,
how much I owe to you,
my gods on Earth, my saviors
of moon and light —
of all the in-betweens and all-togethers.
Success? Winning? Acting out?
Do you remember me,
do you know me better than I do?
I am your baby bird…
and I am here, beautiful, flying…
you make money not to chase
your own dreams, but for us…
talk about pressure!
But I suppose each generation
has its shortcomings of identity
and mind that the world threw at them,
so you throw it back up,
say I’m better than you.
You made me.
Without your light,
I cannot shine.
And you tell me: “What doesn’t kill you
makes you stronger.”
What if I fear I have lost part of me?
But dear…look around,
you are here,
and this is now,
and now is the Earth and time kissing
on two planes, four dimensions
that we know of, hurtling off in space
and yet perfectly safe.
This world may think its won–
they may have knocked me down–
but maybe that was not me to begin with.
You ask why I’m so quiet?
Because I’m readying up to get mad
and spread some joy around to make it better.
You told me you have some secret cure?
Cure for what? A story unfolded?
Afraid of one’s own shadow?
Or the light bouncing off your face?
Is that how trauma works?
Healing is all Earth is,
is all that’s in your blood, your muscles
and tendons and heartbeats and breaths.
I am here to guide you,
parents, elders, child.
You may see me as Father Time,
but I’ve been your mother, all along…
riding sunbeams, glorifying everything
and nothing. I am Earth.
It’s cold in my childhood, only-home
and I wonder what life “should” have been…
Life sees no life without death.
I was there. I played. I fell. I rose.
I survived, god damn it.
My body and mind are still god damn
here, my spirit unbroken.
Sleeping, eating, breathing…honey,
you are an animal as we all are.
There are moments you must do nothing
but rest, let the Earth care for you.
You cannot take over for her.
We all know what it’s like to interrupt
the most powerful women in our lives.
This is the mother of all mothers,
life giving grace from the God
that is a woman, that is everyone in between.
You have a scary fucking story in your head,
taking over God’s role?
I have my dad’s wings
and my mom’s heart,
so I can keep gliding,
January 4, 2019