S

Your story,

as important as it has become to you in this life,

is just a story.

 

There is something bigger at work here.

 

Your story,

as important as it has become to you in this life,

is just a letter.

 

It’s the letter “S”

with its roadway curves

and lack of edges–

it is a letter, in a word,

on a page, in a book.

 

 

The only truth is connection.

 

The only outcome is surrender.

 

December 3, 2016

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Surrender

When I was younger
my doubt came in the form of a size 4
black and white
soccer ball
“Can I win,
can I beat the player
these coaches have formed inside of my head?”
I wrote
and I wrote
and finally I forgave

I created a new reality of real-life-results
and they stuck.

Today I read words that reminded me of that time
“Everything is to be nurtured,”
and I cannot think literally about this.

We must think clearly,
sharply,
simply
about what the nurtured soul is to begin with.

Asking myself,
“How do I feel?”
Without judgement,
without delay
is most likely the most important question
I will have asked myself in four years
the last time I stepped on the field
that I believed scarred me

It had given me strength.

Beauty is to be nurtured
Simplicity is to be nurtured
Love is to be nurtured.

For buried under all that nasty doubt,
my final enemy,
is a white flag
I know as freedom.

Surrender

I will accept surrender in all of its forms.

I will surrender to the beauty of the natural.

I will question and battle any unnatural, painful force

remember that society is nothing but an illusion

but all the more real for it

is the pain you feel when you realize

you are just a step in the ladder

Do not let them step on you.

I will accept surrender in all of its forms.

My body is my temple

and so is my mind–

do not let it battle itself because of society’s lies

I will surrender to the beauty of the natural.

I am, You are, We are natural

creatures in God’s universe

we were made by the one thing that could inspire

a Fall, a Big Bang, a Whisper into a Soul

Love

is the most natural thing about us;

we may not be perfect

but our Love is

we must embrace it with two hands, one heart,

one head

that feels like it’s been a battleground for so long.

Remember your childhood:

The trees that protected your fuzzy head

The breeze that tickled the space between your toes

The breath that flowed in and out without a care

The laughs from inside sprinkled out into the wilderness

from an open door.

All we have is each other;

All we have is love.

I will accept surrender in all of its forms.

..

I will surrender to the beauty of the natural.

………………………………………………………………….

May 30, 2015

Home

I’m not looking for The One.

I suppose I’m just looking for the one I won’t get tired of.

……

The number of betrays I have felt–

they are buried down deep

and it was not until I was ready enough to hold the shovel

that I could dig them out and start to peek

at the friends that I fell for,

the hearts that broke

a piece of mine away

and it’s like I’m still looking for the pieces.

…..

I never intend for much of anything

to happen

because once I feel like something is “home”

like someone is “home”

I want nothing more but to stay in one place

in time

and swim as the minutes swoon,

tears fall, smiles appear

…..

I don’t want them to go away;

this explains why my biggest fear is change

….

Not just any change,

like the nickels in my pocket,

the grass stain on my shirt,

my aging years, the new day coming

….

We learn lessons not from god,

but from his gifts

this world is nothing but experience

and yet all we want is not thankfulness,

but choice

between “who” and “what” and “when”

and the childhood friends that soiled your memories

or maybe just burned up the sides

of the one polaroid you have left.

..

All I want is to go home.

.

All I need is to realize, to accept,

that home is not the same place it was when I left it.

………………………………………………………………………….

May, 25, 2015