Anxiety

When you open up about it

I’m not promising it will be easy.

.

When the air becomes thick

like white cream cheese

and you can’t simply scrape off the edges

with a knife you wonder

who else is feeling this way?

.

I thought my mother did;

but she said, “What I’m feeling is physical,”

I thought the government did;

but they said, “She’s a terrorist

and he has a mental health problem,”

I thought a suicide every thirteen minutes

would be enough to prove

our grasp on this epidemic is not tight enough.

.

I want to say,

“This is physical,”

when it crashes over me

like a war-torn tide,

daily sabotage not unlike your migraine

I wish I could go swallow an Aspirin

but one pill in the middle of an ocean

will not magically make the water calmer.

.

It is when we realize that we are

the water,

the tide,

each speck of sand we trickle onto

they are sprinkled in our bones–

not unlike the stars

the heavens will always be there,

waiting.

.

For even at your worst,

peace is always flowing;

anxiety

is not you,

it is just a word

you may not feel it now

but feel your breath–

it has not left you yet

the beauty found in nature

is found in your own skin,

still waters under roaring currents

just as Love sits

under pain,

patiently.

.

When you open up about it

I’m not promising it will be easy.

.

I’m promising it will be worth it.

.

December 20th, 2015

spread some love today and speak your truth– you are worth it

some thoughts on capitalism, some thoughts on life

It’s important to talk about these things.

Our inevitable flaws, our deepest heartbreaks, our tightly wound, “What if’s.”

It’s important to talk about them rather than just think them.  As beautiful and helpful as introspection is, talking is a necessity.  Often, it’s our most available form of release.  Words enter the world rather than being bounded by our crazy minds.  Clarity only comes with space.

We have heard it, maybe too many times, that we aren’t perfect.  Well, of course not– when we use society’s definition of perfection.  We are part of a continuous cycle of life that connects everything on this planet and outside of it.  We cannot reject this fact.  It is found in all disciplines, all belief systems, all moments.   Yes, existentialists believe that each of us humans are alone in this world; but even psychologists, while creating so many grand theories, must lay down their intellectual hands and rely on societal views. 

Society squeezes its way into so many crevices of our brain, it can be hard to tell whether your way of being is truly you, Being, or you, a Societal Manifestation.  So what is it that society values?  You can ask this to anyone on the street and get fairly accurate answers.  Moreover, it depends on the society in question.  Here I shall stick to the United States.  Our society values independence, as deemed fit by government.  Our society values success, and defines success as monetary, as deemed fit by government, and social, as often deemed fit by corporations that influence government.  Our society values freedom, but only as deemed fit by government. 

The United States, our society, values one thing above all else: government and corporation opinion.  And what underlines their opinion?  Well, money!  Profit!  Power!  It’s all a power struggle– at least, on the outside, it’s a struggle for those not in comfy government/corporation leather chairs.

So, to recap:  Our minds are malleable.  Our minds are greatly molded by society.  Our society values profit and power above all else.  Thus, by association, our minds value profit and power above all else.

Can this really be true?  Can being American really lead us down this deep pit of mental one dimensional despair?

Maybe.  I think, to an extent, we all have these values embedded in our subconscious, affecting our thoughts, language and behavior. 

Once you start observing your mind, however…once you start observing your world in a way that’s not clouded by judgements engrained in you by society, you start to choose.  You can choose to form your own values, you can choose to embody, to the greatest extent, only the values you created for yourself from the start of your life on.  Because this is all not to say we don’t have our own belief systems and simple ways of being that aren’t influenced by society.  We are unique individuals who hold the universe in two hands every day, simply by being.

It’s important to talk about these things.  Without talking, you may never realize how connected we all are.  You may have been being way too hard on yourself all along.